Where have I been?

Sorry for the quietness here. I’ve been extremely busy at work the last couple of weeks, and have had much less free time. But that’s a poor excuse for not posting, and it’s not the main reason.

Honestly, I’ve been fighting a deep inner sadness. It’s a strange thing to know that the world isn’t real, yet to live in it, and love it. And it’s simply painful to know how simple life is, and see the amazing nets of pain we spend weaving for ourselves and each other around the world.

Today, the first scientific estimate of the deaths in Iraq was released, and the news was shocking: that as many as 655,000 Iraqis have been killed in the violence ensuing directly and indirectly from my country’s “liberating” war. And my country’s ruler can’t fathom why inserting the “Democracy” disk doesn’t result in instant peace and harmony in Iraq.

My spirit feels like it could weep for days.

I feel tired. Tired of wars, tired of religions, tired of philosophies. I’m just tired of all the shit. All of it.

10 thoughts on “Where have I been?

  1. My friend, I share your sadness. Looking at how governments and religions are acting brings a pain in my deepest spirit.

  2. I think I understand, Jon. And nothing I say will matter that much to your sadness, nor do I think your sadness needs “fixed”…


    I hear you and feel you.

  3. I just got back from a 3-day silent retreat and coming back into the world was painful.

    I’ve been feeling the same pain for our world about 3 months. This is all the more reason to share the good news.

    P.S. I love your site. Keep up the good work.

  4. Hugs, dear one. There’s so much here that I relate to, other parts where my experience diverges. Especially this word: tired. I’ve missed you lately and admire the forthrightness of your post.

  5. Man- has this been a funky period for so many that I know…intensly feeling what matters, and what doesn’t matter…all at the same time.

    It is enough to say- screw it, it’s beautiful!

    Just let your light shine, Jon…. even when you’re sad and mad…let your light shine on, brother.

  6. Jon,
    I have come here several times and read this post, leaving saying nothing. Each time I leave, I continue to think about something I can offer that may help. I am still thinking about that.

    To each person who has commented: I know most of you, and you are so clearly sincere and genuine. It warms my heart to read your soft words of comfort to our brother traveler. Jon, I am sure we would all eagerly give you a great big group hug if we could.

  7. Like many of the others responding here, Jon, I understand this sadness; it comes and goes for me, multiple times a week most of the time.

    It’s helpful to remember though that, unlike those times when we experience the gloom of the physical sun being blotted out by a thick blanket of dark clouds, we are able to re-experience the light of Spirit just by remembering it’s there – even when the events revealed to us by our five senses would deceive us otherwise. There is suffering and corruption in these times that is undeniable – but there is love, too, for you and me and every single soul that is experiencing this mess.

    One day it will get better. Maybe tomorrow, more likely in decades, perhaps not until another millenium has passed, but it will.

    The Light still abides, and will be shining long after Karl Rove’s name has been forgotten by the residents of Earth.


  8. God is perfect and holy. We are not. Isaiah 1:18-“‘Come now, let us reason together,’ says the LORD. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'” That is why we need Him so desperately. That is why He has given the gift of eternal life through the shed blood of Jesus Christ. Romans 5:8-“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” This world is fallen and sinful and we will always have wars and rumors of wars. Romans 3:23-“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. But if we accept Jesus as our Savior, we can look to a new Heaven and a new Earth that Jesus is preparing for us. Follow the one true God, Jon! He will never dissapoint!
    My friend, God has given me a deep love for you, to pray for you constantly and every day, because since I’ve known you I have seen the sadness. The God of the Bible will always be there when you choose to return to your first love. Jesus Christ, Savior and Creator, is worthy of serving.

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