I’m not Johnny Contemplative…

Last weekend, I got an email from a good friend about starting contemplative practice. (If you’re not familiar with the word contemplative, it’s the word that Christian friars, abbots, monks, nuns, and hermits have used throughout the centuries for meditation as communion with God.) He expressed the universal fears that almost everyone has about beginning serious inner spiritual work. (Am I ready? Nah, probably not. Right?)

My response was a slightly more tactful wording of "stop kidding yourself and just do it." After I sent it, I realized: there I go again, sounding like the "holy spiritual adventurer" when I’m just an ordinary person, with all the same weaknesses as everyone else. Actually, I’ve done very little practice in the last several weeks myself, and I know full well, first hand, how desperately the ego wants to avoid the concentrated ray of meditation. (The flip side is that I also know how incredibly refreshing my spirit finds it.) I’ve done just enough spiritual work to recognize the ego—whether it’s crying out in a friend’s email or if it’s in my response to a friend.

A blog like this is simply dangerous, and I’m probably an idiot for starting it. I’m not awakened. This blog is not about being awake, but awakening, with all its messiness.

There’s a risk that when I share my spiritual experiences and insights, it will sound like: "Wow! the Frimster’s such a holy guy!" Everything else will sound like I’m a typical single gay American nerd, which is exactly right. That’s Jedi life in the real world.

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